Envy

Tomorrow Dr. B is coming out to see Kaswyn. On the phone with him, he said he's not really sure what's going on with the shortness of stride in the left front. Great. I hope he gets some kind of clue when he examines him.

Tonight I went out and rode my horse just to see how he felt. He was very uneven and reluctant to work. My trainer was in the arena teaching a lesson and saw just how uneven he was. After a few circles I decided just to quit. I'm concerned that working him while he's uneven is going to throw something else out of whack.

I stopped my horse next to where my trainer was standing giving the lesson and watched the gal riding. I'm finding that I'm very jealous of everyone at the barn right now. I realize just how much I took for granted that my horse would be sound and ready to work every day. I watched as this girl schooled her horse and watched them improve over the course of 10 minutes. When they started schooling half-passes I decided that I had tortured myself enough and left the arena.

I want my horse back. The sound horse. It seemed so easy before, even though the work was hard. I want that feeling of the effortless half-pass, floating medium trot, or energetic flying changes. I want .. well, I want too much I guess. Half of me thinks that I just need to be happy with what my horse has been able to accomplish. Just the fact that my little arabian is able to show and be competitive at the FEI levels is amazing, let alone his National Championships. I should be happy, right? So few people ever get to ride a horse like this in their lifetime, and I'm fortunate enough to have owned him and was able to make this amazing journey with him.

But I'm not ready for this to be over yet. I want more.