Director of Bathroom Operations

I was playing with Macey upstairs when I needed to excuse myself to the bathroom. So I told Macey "I'll be right back." She screamed "NO!" And I said "Look, Mama has to go poop, okay? I'll be right back."

Macey perks up and says. "Okay! I go with you!" She follows me into the bathroom. Being a mother means rarely using the bathroom alone, by the way.

I start to use the potty, and Macey says "Are you poopin?"

Yes, I reply, smiling.

Macey says "I give you paper." She takes the roll of toilet paper off the counter (we had to take it off the roller on the wall because she found it too much fun to unroll the whole thing every day) and rips one square off. She hands it to me.

Then she says "Wipe it on yous butt."

I started to laugh. First of all, like one square is going to be enough. And second, as if I needed to be told what to do with it. I laughed so hard that my eyes got teary, so I wiped my eyes with the single square of toilet paper.

"No!", she says, clearly aggravated. "Wipe it on yous BUTT!", pointing at my rear.

Through my laughter, I say I'm going to need more paper. She says "Okay" and rips off one more square. Then again, she points towards my posterior and says, very seriously, "Wipe it on yous BUTT."

Thanks kid. I dunno what I'd do without ya.