Monday, June 22, 2009

Ladies, let's talk...

Men, you'll probably want nothing to do with this post. You have been warned.

If you read my blog on a regular basis you know that I work in a fertility clinic. I do lots of embryo transfers, which involve a procedure that is very similar to a regular pelvic exam or pap smear. The patient is undressed from the waist down and is covered with a sheet. When we are ready to do the transfer the patient is instructed to scoot down to the end of the bed, lie on her back, and put her feet in the stirrups. Then a speculum is inserted into the vagina so that the physician can view the cervix. When placing the speculum the doctor needs to clearly see the genitals of the patient. This is why the stirrups are set widely apart.

So, the point is ladies, we need to see your business. All of it. This is not the time to be modest here. We've seen it all before, trust me. Please, when your feet are in the stirrups, don't try to keep your knees together. You're having a pelvic exam, not tea with the Queen. Open your legs! It does not mean that you're slutty. We will not think any less of you.

Another bonus is that by keeping your knees apart you will be relaxing muscles that will make the speculum feel less uncomfortable. I'm not saying that you'll LOVE your speculum, because very few people enjoy having a metal medical apparatus jammed in their hoo-ha. But it will make it better. Try relaxing your butt muscles too. No reason to clench at this point.

So remember - next time your feet are in stirrups that are not attached to a saddle, keep your knees apart! Your doctor and your hoo-ha will thank you for it.


Katee said...

HA! I will keep this post in mind next month when I go in for my annual exam. I've found that the most important thing for me is finding a doctor I'm comfortable with. If I'm comfortable with my doctor, it's much easier to relax.

Anonymous said...

I just had my annual. Hint to you. Potholders on the stirrups much more comfortable! C

Carla said...

OMG! you are too funny. thanks for the chuckle:)

cindy said...

I am a fellow equestrian , a mother and also am fighting cancer. It is very uncomfortable at first - but after a few time , with the right doctor- it is not that embarrasing any more.
That is preety funny- patients are holding on for dear life- probobly to your head!

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