Thursday, September 24, 2009

SHN 2009 - Thursday morning

Thank you for all of your support and kind words. I'm very, very sore this morning but it doesn't look like anything is out of place or swollen. I let myself finally cry this morning in the shower, and now I'm hovering on the edge of tears all the time.

Skyy hurt my feelings. I know that sounds dumb, but I have been nothing but fair and kind to him. I put my all into him, and what I got yesterday was a big "F You!". That on top of the fact that I feel foolish that I could think that I was competent enough to make this work is making me pretty down today.

I'm hoping getting out and seeing the ponies will make me feel better. Hearing them eat their breakfast while I clean stalls is always comforting.

SHN 2009 - Thursday Evening

11 comments:

Alex said...

geeze- what a crappy situation! i hope you feel better soon, and im sure you will figure something out- something that works for you, and for him and something where by you don't have to feel like you "gave up." thats the good thing about being an amature- its supposed to be fu- this isnt work! Ride horses you enjoy, hores that you can offer somthing to, and that can offer something in return! I know for one, I'm too old (and have too many responsibilites now) to take risks when my gut tells me otherwise. I say don't be "scared" of him- but knowing when the risk out weighs the benefits (and remember YOU get benefits too!) its not worth it any more! Good luck, enjoy the low key day and keep that wonderful focus on the other ponies that need you!

jennybean79 said...

I think so many horse owners/riders can relate to how you're feeling. I know I do atleast. I was bucked off at a horse show, in a class, and it was embarrassing, it made me feel like a sub-par rider and it hurt my feelings (that the horse bucked me off) too. I watched your video and I really think you held on a rode that horse very well. That first little buck-kick combo he pulled off would probably have offset me. I could see the subtly maneuvers you were using to get the horse back in control, and considering how obstinate he was being, you did a fantastic job. Just know that probably every horse person, from the best right on down to the beginners have felt something like what you're feeling right now.

OnTheBit said...

You needed a cry so I think it was good to just let it all out. And in fairness to you, you took Skye on knowing he has issues and you did your very best with him. Yes, you are right that some people could have stayed on, but also remeber that a lot of people would not have even given him a chance. You have come a long way with him and do not let the end of your relationship sour the rest of the time. You have to do what is best for you and if your feelings are hurt and you don't want to ride him so be it. I know his owner was reluctant to send him to your trainer because of money, but maybe she is just going to have to suck it up and spend the money. I do hope that someone gets back on Skye soon so he does not learn bucking=vacation, but in the same breath I totally understand why you no longer feel comfortable with him. You have a family and two other horses that need you. The first post on your blog I evern read was years ago when you posted about falling off at a show. My heart broke for you then as it breaks for you now. I am proud of you for getting on Albert and still doing well. As much as you want to beat yourself up for coming off Skye you should be equally proud that you didn't let it impact you with another horse. I only know a handful of people who would be able to do that so I know I am impressed.

Grey Horse Matters said...

I can understand why you would feel betrayed by this horse. I watched the video.Nothing you did was wrong and he just pulled a dirty trick on you. Personally, I wouldn't ride him again, you never know when he will pull this out of his hat again. You did the best you could for this horse and you were fair to him, he just didn't return the kindness. If I were you I wouldn't doubt myself too much it wasn't your fault.

Shannon said...

I've been following your blog, but haven't commented before. I just wanted to give you some words of encouragement.

Don't be so hard on yourself, everybody gets thrown at some point. I've been thrown more times than I care to remember and every time I learned something. Sometimes it was a simple lesson, like "keep the horse in front of your leg", and sometimes it was a profound lesson like "a horse with a poor work ethic will never be a good dressage horse". As long as you keep learning you will never be incompetent or foolish.

Every horse has something to teach us, even if it isn't the lesson we wanted to learn.

Heather said...

Maybe now you go go back to working Fire! I really liked him :)

FlyingHorse2 said...

I, too, felt betrayed by a horse a while back. The really hard part was the fact that I owned him and I am not one to sell unless all else fails and I cannot work with them safely. My big inattentive TB frieght train who required relentless pushing through a hunter course was lazy but never refused. One show while sailing around an easy low hunter course, he just simply slid into a rolltop. I had an astroturf salad on my over it. I always knew he would go through the courses but seemed disconnected from the whole thing and now I guess he was getting tired of it, although that didn't occur to me until years later. We continued on our happy hilltopping and show hunter ventures. Then one day I went to ride him (I boarded quite some distance from my house) and he'd thrown a shoe. So as not to waste the time, I asked if there were a school horse i could use that day. I went on to lease and eventually buy that school horse. In a strange twist of events, a new dressage trainer came to the barn to work. I was told she was quite smitten with my other big TB freight train and could she start schooling him formally in dressage? I said sure and he was eventually leased to one of her students. When I moved away, I took the school horse I had stumbled upon with me and left my other TB on a lease. The barn manager, leassee and trainer all sent me pictures and updates of his progress in the dressage ring. It seemed as though he had found his calling. Generally I had found him to have a personality akin to a young military school boy. He liked routine, hated to be bothered unless it was to work, became upset by even small schedule changes and although he always did what was asked of him, never seemed content with foxhunting or show hunters. His military school boy way seemed to love routine, repetition upon repetition. He excelled to a score of 72 at third level under a very tough judge that I knew personally. She was a butt buster on gaits!! My big old freight train had really found his niche and I was thrilled! Just days before I was going to tell the leassee that I would turn ownership of him over to her (she'd been leasing him 4 years) he passed away in colic surgery. Some horses never find what they are happy doing but will happily do what is asked of them. Some ask to do other things and no one hears them. I got lucky or rather my horse did. Through losing his shoe one day, he ended up doing what he loved for the last 5 years of his life. You may very well be right that Skyy wishes not to be in the dressage ring anymore. It's all a crap shoot on how we interpret it. If not for that shoe, my big guy may never have found a way to emphasize what he was already subtly trying to tell me. Sorry to be so windy on the post.


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Anonymous said...

Aww, reading this made me cry!

I've been reading your blog for a while now, and I'm so impressed to hear how you balance your job, family, and riding three horses. You worked so hard for this! There are so many riders that send their horses to the trainer and only get on right before their class. And a lot of the time they win or go Top Ten!

You are an inspiration to me, because I don't have the money to send my horse to a top trainer or even to pay the money to haul to Nationals. But I realize that if I work as hard as you do I might just get there some day!

Whatever happened with Skyy, it wasn't your fault. I watched and winced at the video and I just can't imagine what went through his head. I've been bucked off before for no apparent reason and it's hard not to be hurt emotionally. We do so much for our horses and this is what we get in return? Hmph.

Whatever happens, I wish you the best and I know you will continue to succeed.

Jenflex said...

I'm just not sure that you could do anything different with this horse without descending to his level. I mean, maybe there are riders who could have stuck with that particular trick, but the work ethic/trustworthy issue stands.

He's not an honest horse.

Kassiekin said...

...nothing more humbling than riding a horse!! Even at the highest levels of competition like the Olympics, you see a horse giving the rider trouble & being the exact opposite of what Dressage is all about..obedience. I have always admired the beauty & quietness of your riding when you post your videos..so keep your chin up & soldier on!

Stephanie said...

Do not doubt yourself, you are a very strong, beautiful and capable rider. Skye pulled a shitty trick on you and I understand how you could feel betrated by him. Try not to take it personally, as hard as that may be, he is a horse not human. Plain and simple he just did not want to do his job! and maybe this job is just not the right job for him... does NOT make you a bad rider or make it your fault!
Chin -up, you can work through this! and feel better soon. and enjoy the ponies.

 
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