Lots going on, and none of it very good

Hey there peoples,

I've been updating my situation on Facebook and Twitter, but I finally have the time to sit down a write a post.  Here's what's going on, and it's fairly sucky.  

For those of you who don't know, I'm an embryologist.  I work in infertility, so basically I get women pregnant and they pay me for it.  Kinda sounds like pimpin but it's not.  

Anyhow, using a microscope is required for being an embryologist.  In fact, using a scope for hours a day is not uncommon.  Human embryos and sperm are too small to be seen with the naked eye, so basically every kind of analysis and procedure needs to be performed under a microscope.  

After seven years I developed neck pain and severe headaches. I went to the doc and he said that he thought it was related to the fact that when I look through a microscope with my head tilted forward, it strains my neck and over the years has led to headaches and neck strain.  

I had to fight Worker's Comp to get them to approve the injury and treatment.  The problem was that the treatment didn't fix the "sprain/strain".  The pain was much less during the eight weeks of treatment, but the pain came right back.  

As I was fighting for more treatment to control my pain and keep me working, I developed two bulging discs in my neck.  It got so bad that I was having brutal headaches, plus stabbing, shooting, intense pain down my right arm, as well as tingling and numbness in my arm and hand.  I tried to work through it, medicate through it, but eventually it was obvious that I couldn't work like that.  

So now I'm on medical leave, and won't get paid until I fight worker's comp to pay me.  The fact is that they don't want to pay for ANYTHING, and are going to make it as hard as possible for me to get paid or get any treatment paid for.  The whole thing just stinks because I like my job, I'm a hard worker, but my job hurt me, so I can't do it, but I can't get any compensation for it until I go to court and a bunch of medical exams.  It's the most frustrating thing ever.  

Here's another sucky part.  I haven't been on a horse since the middle of September.  I can't ride, not even Kaswyn, because I don't trust that my right arm will react like I want it to.  When it's numb it feel like it's filled with sand.  That's not very safe when on a horse.  So no riding until, well, I don't even know when. 

My fears are that I won't recover enough to do my job, so I won't be able to help support my family.  I'm also afraid that I won't recover enough to ride again. Sure, they say I can have surgery, but that scares the shit out of me.  What if the surgery doesn't fix it? What if there are complications?  

So I'm just sitting around, going to physical therapy, doctor's appointments, and court hearings.  Not working and not riding.  

Right now I'm sad and worried about the future.  I think I need chocolate. 

And bourbon.