Saturday, November 29, 2008

YeeHa Pony!

I hadn't been able to ride Kaswyn since last Sunday because of a couple of things. First, I was going to ride on Tuesday but I was in a rental car that wasn't a four wheel drive like my truck, and since it was snowing and the roads were bad out by the barn I decided not to get stuck in the teeny car they gave me. I had a rental because of my accident (which you can read about here) while my car was getting fixed. Then Wednesday was tests at the hospital day (which I will catch you all up on, really I will), and Thursday was Thanksgiving. I had to work Thanksgiving, plus Friday and all weekend, and then Monday through next Friday. Yeah, that will be fun!

Anyway, I got to ride K man on Friday, and boy howdy did he feel good. I guess it took a bit longer to heal from the hock injections, or it was good for him to just be turned out for a few days and heal that way, because I felt like I had my old pony boy back. He was full of energy and a little sassy, with that "I know what I'm doing, cause I'm AWESOME!" attitude. So fantastic.

I'm looking forward to lessons and shows! Yay for hock injections and Legend! I hope my shadbelly still fits...

Sunday, November 23, 2008

The dreams that haunt me

Last night I had a dream about Blair. They don't happen often anymore, but when they do they have a deep and lasting effect on me.

The whole story about Blair starts here.

In the dream I was riding in a car with my brother and his wife. Somehow I had gotten informed that Blair was back and that she'd be having breakfast at this little diner located in the small downtown where I used to live. I didn't really believe that she'd be there, but as we drove by looking for a parking spot I saw her through the large windows of the diner.

She was sitting alone in a booth with her hair in a french braid and her back was towards the door. She had a cup of coffee in one hand, and her head was turned so I could see the side of her face. It looked like she was talking to the cook who was leaning over the order counter, and she was laughing. She didn't look a day older than the last time I saw her 18 years ago.

I gasped and said "Oh my god! She's in there!" I immediately started to cry and freak out. My brother said "Are you sure that was her?" "Yes! Yes! She's there! I can't believe it!"

Then, for some inexplicable reason, we took forever to find a parking spot (instead of just stopping the car and letting me jump out, which would have happened had this been real), and then we went into the pharmacy to pick up a few things. Finally I ran into the diner.

All that was left in the booth was a coffee cup, a folded newspaper, and a tip. I had no way of getting a hold of her. She was gone.

Again, I burst into tears. I sat in the booth and the seat was still warm. I wanted to talk to the cook, but for some reason he wouldn't look at me or even acknowledge that I was there. I walked out.

As is common in my dreams, when I stepped out of the diner I was no longer in the quaint downtown area, but at some dock in a warehouse district. I needed to get a race car for some reason, but all I could find is a scooter. And it was out of gas, so I ended up pushing it down the road. I can't remember much after that but Blair was not involved.

Today I feel so sad. It's not as bad as when she disappeared the first time, but I'm still bothered by it. I'll never see her again. Or will I? The uncertainty sucks. At least I don't "see" her anymore at horse shows. That used to drive me crazy. Although every time I see a beige and brown Ford F250 from the mid 80's my stomach drops to my knees.

I'm also pissed at her. I know that more than one person told her not to go to her ex's house that night, but to meet him in a public place. He had been acting irrational, not just with her but with other people. He had said "If I can't have her nobody will." and "She'll take our daughter over her dead body." Also, a month or so before she disappeared, Blair even said "If she brakes go out on my truck you'll know that my ex did it." and "If something happens to me this person gets this saddle and this person gets that, etc." She saw it coming. Why was she not careful?

Oh well. It's over now. And while I usually try not to think about Blair because it's too painful, I know she will be on my mind a lot for awhile.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

This is what expensive looks like

This is one multi dose vial of Legend. It has 20 ml of fluid, and at 4 ml per does it contains 5 doses. And costs $350.

"Liquid Gold"

Kaswyn is due for another shot of Legend on Thanksgiving. I'll certainly keep up with the shots, especially since I'm seriously making plans to show next year.

In related news, I rode Kaswyn today for the first time since his hock injections. He felt a little stiff all over, but I'm not surprised considering he has been confined to his stall since Tuesday except for hand walking. Today was just walk and a little trot, and tomorrow we'll canter. Here's hoping for a sound pony.

Friday, November 21, 2008

The Surgery. Part 5 - The Ablation

Part 1
Part 2

Part 3
Part 4

Dr. OB and I talked about my options. Any birth control method with hormones – an IUD, cervical ring, inplant, etc – would make me feel crappy and I didn’t want to live that way. He said if I was sure that I was done having kids that he could do a uterine ablation. It’s a procedure where they cycle very hot water through your uterus for about 11 minutes and that destroys the lining (the endometrium) of your uterus. Most patients never have a period again, and most of the rest have very light periods. In a very small percentage of patients the ablation does not work at all. He said there was no way to predict if it would work for me or not, but chances were good that it would. But I had to be SURE that I didn’t want kids, because it’s permanent and if it’s completely successful then there is no endometrium for the baby to grow on.

At the same time he would place inserts into my fallopian tubes that would develop scar tissue over the next six months and block my tubes. This would be a precautionary measure because you can still get pregnant after a uterine ablation, but it's a really bad idea. So between the ablation and tubal inserts I'd be done having children.

This was a really hard decision for me. I would really like one more child, but I'm old and we can't really afford it. I guess it's not so much a decision but a coming to terms that I won't be having another baby. I loved being pregnant, having the babies, and taking care of them afterwards. Sure, the breastfeeding was a hassle, and I really like being able to sleep through the night now (well, mostly - sometimes the kids still get up!), but I will really miss those times.

Finally I decided that I needed to let the baby thing go and get this surgery. It would be done under heavy sedation, which means they'd just let me sleep and wouldn't have to intubate me or put me on a breathing machine. It would be outpatient so I could go home that day. All that was left to do was schedule the surgery. Or was that all?

Part 6 - But wait, there's more...

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

A little poke here, and little jab there

Dr. B came out yesterday to check Kaswyn's hocks. Well, he really just came out to do a lameness exam, but I told him that I thought it was his hocks. When Dr. B does one of these exams he examines the horse while his assistant writes down any comments that Dr. B has. He started the exam by feeling Kaswyn's left front leg up and down, and found a little calcified area on the inside middle of his left front cannon bone. He commented on it, and as the assistant was writing it down I said "So what's that mean?" and he said "It means he probably hit himself while he was outside but it's all healed over. It's non reactive." He checked the neuroectomy site on the left front and found that to be non reactive also. Then he picked up the leg and brought the heel up so that it was touching Kaswyn's elbow, and said that was normal.

He repeated his exam on the right leg and found nothing. The he palpated the muscles down his back and found him very slightly sore but nothing to worry about. Then he checked Kaswyn's stifles by pushing on one hip sideways while pulling his tail in the other direction, kind of rocking back and forth. Then he said "Stifle laxity, zero." which means that Kaswyn's stifles are nice and tight as they should be. Dr. B then began just above the hock and felt all the way down Kaswyn's right hind, and when he got to the hoof he came back up and put pressure on a ligament just lower than the hock and to the inside of the leg. Kaswyn picked up his leg and brought it out away from his body. Dr. B said "Churchill positive."

I knew from watching him examine Kaswyn and other horses that a positive Churchill meant hock pain. The test involves pressing on a ligament that will put pressure on the two lower joints of the hock. So I said "Hocks, right?" and he said "Oh yeah, but I want to flex him too." He repeated the leg palpation on the left hind, with the same result.

Then he asked me to lunge Kaswyn, and when he started trotting he said "Yeah, he's stabbing behind." Then I said "Yes, but I'll bet this is the most sound you've ever seen this horse move up front." and he said ""No doubt about that, but now we gotta come over here and do this.." and he went over to the wall and knocked wood. Indeed, let's knock wood on that one!

Then he did a flex test, and pointed out that when Kaswyn trotted away from us after the hind legs were flexed that he could see a hip hike upwards in his stride. He asked which way he felt better, and I said "Well, he usually feels better on the right, but lately he's been feeling better on the left." and he said "Uh huh." To which I said "So the left is worse than the right?" and he said "You got it."

We discussed x-rays, but he said regardless of what he saw on the x-rays his diagnosis and treatment would not change, but if I wanted pictures he would take them. I said no, not if he didn't think it was necessary, and he said "If it were me I'd just save my money and not get x-rays." Sounded good to me, so we just went with his diagnosis, which was that Kaswyn's hocks were sore.

This is not surprising to me, and I figured he would want to inject them. I said that he had injected Kaswyn's hocks a year ago, and Dr. B said that was a long amount of time for injections to last, so it was good. I decided to go ahead and inject both hocks.

I told him that I had given him a Legend shot a few weeks ago, and he asked why Legend and not Adequan. I said because Dr. G told me to use Legend. Dr. B told me that he'd have picked Adequan between the two, but recently he's had quite a bit of success with polyglycan, which he says is Legend and Adequan both in one shot. The Legend increases synovial joint fluid viscosity and decreases inflammation, while Adequan gives support to the cartilage and decreases inflammation. However there has been quite a lot of discussion on some boards about Legend and Adequan versus ployglycan. Some people, including Dr. B, have had great success with it but it's not meant as an IV injectable for joint treatment. It's intended FDA approved use is for wound and joint flushing during surgeries. It's cheaper than Legend or Adequan, but independent studies (ie one does by the company that produces Adequan) show that while plyglycan had some benefits it's not as powerful or effective as Adequan. The same probably holds true for Legend but I've not seen results there.

Anyway, I have a five dose vial of Legend coming my way, so I will use that for the next five months and see how things go. Dr. B thinks that Legend is fine to use and that it will probably help increase the amount of time between hock injections.

Dr. B thinks hock injections get a bad rap, but that they really cut down on the damage done to the joint in training. Sure, you can cut down on that damage by not riding and training, but then you have a horse that doesn't have a job. Dr. B says that complications are rare, and for the most part it's a very effective and useful treatment. Since I trust my vet, I trust that he knows what is best for my horse considering his showing and training career. I also trust Dr. B to do the procedure with a high amount of skill, since he has done so many successfully. I asked if he thought Kaswyn had extensive damage in the joint, and he said "No, not at all. He just looks like many other dressage horses that I've seen. I wouldn't even call him lame. I'd say he has a 'gait deficit', but not a lameness."

So Dr. B deftly injected the lower two joints of Kaswyn's hocks, and told me to give him two grams of bute per day for three days, and hand walking only for three days. Then he wants me to ride him lightly at the walk and trot on Saturday, and walk trot and canter on Sunday. Monday he'll get off, and then it's back to business as usual on Tuesday.

While this all sounds great, I have two negative things on my mind. First, I just paid off my vet bill before this last visit. Ugh. And I forgot to have him pull a Coggins test while he was there, do I'll have to call him out again at some point. Secondly, I got in a car accident on Monday. Some guy slid on the ice and rear ended me. He wasn't going that fast, but it caved in my bumper and bent his up too. I thought I was okay, but tonight I'm starting to get pain in my neck and up into my head. Less than two weeks ago I had sent in the last payment for my car. Groovy, huh?

That's right. Pay off my vet bill, then call the vet out for an expensive procedure. Then pay off my car, and get in an accident. What I think I can learn from this is that whether it's got four legs or four wheels, it's going to cost ya.

Monday, November 17, 2008

Fighting winter horse scurf

Every winter once Kaswyn has been blanketed and not bathed for a few weeks he develops what I call "Winter Horse Scurf". It's this grey powdery dandruffy stuff that clings to his coat and rubs off on my bridle, saddle, and boots. It's a little oily so it makes kind of a thick grey glue patch on my tack that has to be aggressively scrubbed off. It also gets all over the inside of his blankets. Even daily thorough currying and brushing can't completely rid his body of this persistent powder. It's really gross!

When we were boarding at another barn there was a vacuum system that I used to suck the scurf off of Kaswyn's coat. It didn't get him clean like a bath would, but it made it less gross when I'd brush him off. Last year, however, I discovered that Miracle Groom would take away most of the scurf and would leave him smooth and clean smelling.

So this year I'm determined not to let the scurf take over! I'm going to be using Miracle Groom at least once a week to keep Kaswyn's coat clean. So far, so good. I'll let you know if it really works for the long term

Albert is another project to try and keep clean. I wouldn't mind him rolling in the mud if I didn't plan on riding him, but when I pull him out of the pasture and he's breaded himself with the stinkiest pasture mud that he can find I get a little annoyed. I'm cutting it close with my schedule just to be able to ride him, so taking 20 minutes to get him clean makes it almost impossible to have enough time to ride.

Last week Albert was filthy. I had bathed him the week before when it was warm, and I asked Susan to find him waterproof sheet to put on him so that he could stay clean for as long as possible. She waited too long and the rolled in the mud like a little piggy. Since it was now too cold for a bath, I decided last Thursday that I would "hot towel" him. I had heard about it from my friend Linda, who used to work on the track. It involved getting a bucket of hot water and some clean towels, then soaking the towels in the hot water. Then I took the towels and scrubbed Albert from head to tail, switching out the towels as they became dirty. I started at his neck and worked my way towards his tail, covering up the damp parts with a cooler. I expected it to take a long time, but it only took me about 20 minutes or so. Granted, Albert is not a big animal, but still it all went rather smoothly. In the end he was damp and covered with a cooler, and much cleaner than he had been before we started.

I made Susan find a sheet to put on him once he was dry, and told her that if I was going to ride him that he would have to keep a blanket on. I can handle brushing his neck and legs off, but to knock mud off of his entire body every time I wanted to ride was not going to work. Sp far so good with that. I'll use Miracle Groom on him too if needed. I love clean horses!

Dr B comes to check Kaswyn's hocks tomorrow. When I lunged Kaswyn tonight I thought I saw some definite off strides on his left hind leg. We'll see what the doc has to say.

One more thing - does anyone else think that a barn smells different in the winter time? Today it had snowed, and when I went into Kaswyn's stall it smelled like Christmas time to me. Am I crazy?

Saturday, November 15, 2008

When Legend falls short

When I rode Kaswyn on Tuesday he didn't feel quite right. He felt fine at the trot but didn't want to bring his hocks under himself at the canter. This makes me suspicious that he has pain in his hocks. I had the hocks injected last December, but then didn't follow up with monthly Legend because it's so damn expensive. Now I'm regretting that decision. The Legend injection a few weeks ago seemed to help a little bit but now I'm feeling that the canter needs help.

So on Tuesday Dr. B will come out and check out Kaswyn's hocks. We didn't x-ray the hocks last December, but I know they have been x-rayed in the past, probably within the last 3 years. I'm guessing Dr. B will x-ray his hocks again on Tuesday, but he didn't say for sure. When I called him and told him what I thought was going on I told him that we had injected the hocks last December. Then I asked if he thought it was too soon to inject them again and he laughed, saying "I usually inject hocks every three months!" Ack, who can afford that??! I know some dressage people have a lot of money, but most dressage riders I know have one horse and do all sorts of creative money management in order to afford them.

I don't know how I really feel about the injections. I'm not excited about going into those joints, but if it's going to make Kaswyn more comfortable then I'm all for it. I guess I'll just see what Dr. B and the x-rays say. But I'm guessing there will be injections. And a big fat vet bill that I just paid off two weeks ago. Figures.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

The Surgery. Part 4 - The Pill

Part 1
Part 2

Part 3

Like I have said before I had been on and off of various pills over the years. I don’t like the way I feel when I’m on the pill. Here is why.

I’m constantly hungry, so I put on weight.
If I’m not hungry, I’m nauseous.
I’m irritable.
My PMS is actually ten times worse on the pill.
I have no energy.
My libido goes way down (which doesn't only affect me).

The only good thing about the pill is that my skin gets clearer. That’s not enough of a plus to get me to take it.

I asked why I could be bleeding this much, and basically it comes down to progesterone. About halfway through a menstrual cycle your body should start producing progesterone - right around ovulation. It tells your body to keep the uterine lining that has built up, and to maintain it in case an egg gets fertilized. If progesterone is not produced in high enough concentrations then the uterine lining will continue to build. Normally progesterone levels will drop two weeks after ovulation, and then the bleeding will start. During the period the residual levels of progesterone will tell the blood vessels to close off and keep the bleeding minimal when the lining sheds. The concern was that I wasn't producing progesterone, which would lead to a thick lining and less control of blood loss, so I had a blood test. The test came back showing I was producing progesterone, but Dr. OB said I could take a progesterone only pill anyway and that could solve my problem.

Besides the fact that the pill makes me feel crappy, progesterone only pills, specifically progestin, have been associated in some studies with an increased risk of breast cancer. These studies are very controversial, and studies have been published showing the opposite results. However, based on my boob issues I was wary of taking progestin. The fact is I don't like to take any kind of medication if I can avoid it. I certainly don't want to take something that's going to increase my risk of breast cancer.

So instead of taking the pill, I went to my chiropractor, who is also kind of a holistic medicine guy. He set me up with all kinds of supplements, including one supplement that was basically natural, plant derived progesterone. Supposedly this is a much safer form of the hormone, so I thought I'd give it a try. Over the next two months I had much lighter bleeding. I though I had found the answer!

Unfortunately I started to feel like I did when I was on the pill, so I stopped taking the supplements. And the next month, I had the blood flood again. I had to do something, so I went to talk to Dr. OB again.

Part 5 - Ablation

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

The Surgery. Part 3 – The Flood

Part 1
Part 2

I got my period for the first time at twelve years old. I’ve always been very regular, having 28 or 30 day cycles. I never had bad cramps, or lots of bleeding, so my period was never a big deal for me. However, earlier this year it became a very big deal.

I started noticing that my bleeding was getting heavier. I just chalked it up to the fact that I had just spent almost four years not having a period due to two pregnancies and two years of breastfeeding and I had forgotten how much I bled. Then I had my first really bad period, complete with lots of blood, painful cramps, and lots of huge clots. I was a little worried about the clots, so I consulted my OB/GYN and he said that the clots only meant that the flow is so fast that the blood clotted before it could make it's way out. Great.

I didn’t do anything different that month, and the next month I was bleeding heavily again. One day I was at work in the lab, and when I stood up I gushed blood. I bled through a super tampon and a big pad in like three seconds, soaking my pants and underwear. Luckily I wear scrubs in the lab, so I ran to the scrub room and grabbed a new pair of scrub pants. I went into the bathroom to clean up but it was like some kind of horror scene.

With my panties stuffed full of paper towels, I approached my boss to tell her that I had to leave to go home and clean up, as I had just bled all over myself. She kind of didn’t know what to say, except “Um, okay.” It sucked.

The next month I had another bleeding issue, and I felt and looked terrible. I was at work (again) and the doctor who was covering procedures asked me "Are you okay?"
I said "Yeah, I'm okay, I'm just bleeding a lot."
"Oh. I'm assuming you mean vaginal bleeding?" she asked.
I laughed and said "Yes, vaginal bleeding. I don't have a gunshot wound or anything..."

I was rapidly becoming sick of this routine, so I made an appointment with Dr. OB, who checked me out and found everything to be fine. He said that I should get a saline ultrasound to rule out uterine polyps, fibroids, or something else. The procedure is they fill your uterus with saline and check for abnormalities. The saline ultrasound was done by the ultrasound tech and doc that I work with all the time, and they were great about it. I managed not to freak out, and while it was a little uncomfortable it was not big deal. They didn’t find anything abnormal, just that my endometrial lining was thicker than it should be.

I had another discussion with Dr. OB and he said that I could go on the pill and that would make it so that I didn’t build up such a thick uterine lining. I didn’t really want to do that, because the pill and I just don’t get along.

Part 4 - The Pill

Sunday, November 09, 2008

The Surgery. Part 2 - How it All Started

Part 1

It all started with me having my babies. I had been on the pill on and off for years, but went off the pill early in my relationship with Craig (for reasons I will discuss later). Once we got married I wanted to have children as soon as possible because I knew I was getting older. I was 35 when I had Lily and 36 when I had Macey, which is much older than I wanted to be. Since I’m such a freak about needles and stuff I didn’t have an amniocentesis with either child, but thank god they turned out perfectly healthy. After I had Lily I breastfed her for a year, then I immediately got pregnant with Macey. I breastfed her for a year too, and then stopped.

After Macey was born we had debated about a third child so I didn’t have my tubes tied. I also didn’t go on the pill or practice any sort of contraception besides the wonderful condom. With no hormonal intervention from contraception or breastfeeding, my body finally returned back to normal and I had about a year and a half of regular periods and cycles. But then my body started to change. I was only 39, so I didn’t think I could be having pre-menopausal issues. However, that’s certainly what looked like was going on.

And it wasn’t pretty.

Part 3 - The Flood

Friday, November 07, 2008

The Surgery. Part 1 – An Introduction

Welcome to the first post in my new series. I’ll warn you now – this is going to be a long one. And it’s going to get really personal, and very detailed. I debated if I was going to talk about all of this, but it’s been taking up such a huge part of my thoughts lately, and will greatly affect my riding, so I thought I’d just get it out there. I’m know I’m not the first person to have to deal with all of this, so maybe someone will read my story and get some comfort or something out of it.

As you can guess by the title, I’m going to be having surgery in December. I’m an extremely nervous person when it comes to anything medical, so this is going to be a huge deal for me. I was concerned that childbirth would be scary for me since it’s all medical and hospitally and stuff, but surprisingly that was no big deal. Sure, I was freaked out when I had to have a C-Section with Lily, but I was already in the hospital, in labor, and didn’t have much of a choice. Little booger had to go and be breech and make her mama get cut open.

Not counting having babies, medical procedures make me faint. It’s just been recently that I can actually stay sitting up for a blood draw. In the past I’ve had to lie down or I would pass out. Even now if they have to draw more than two tubes I need to lie down. And to get an IV I need to be totally on my back, with a wet washcloth already in hand, and they have to put it in the right place. Most nurses want to put it in my left arm radial vein, or the back of my hand, but I tell them that those places are not good and they need to hit the right arm radial vein. Most of the time they don’t listen to me and try the other places first, but once they collapse those veins (and they always do) they go for the one I said in the first place, and it’s a champ.

But the actual sticking of me with needles isn’t the bad part. It’s just the anxiety of waiting for the procedure. I’m a total nerve bag. It’s going to be bad. Plus the seizure two days ago has complicated things to the point that I have to start posting about this to be able to keep up with the events which are currently unfolding.

But I don’t want to get ahead of myself here. There is plenty to talk about.

Part 2 – How it All Started

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

Bad night

Both Macey and I have the stomach flu. Or, rather, both of us puked this morning (her last night too). Those of you who know me know that I'm not good with puke AT ALL. In fact, I wrote a whole post about it here.

Craig has been a champ. He took care of Macey last night, and then both of us this morning at 5 am. He gets extra points because, well, I kinda had a seizure and passed out. Then I puked. When we first started dating I told him about the whole seizure thing and in the eight years since I've been with him this is the first time that he's ever seen it. And he is not keen to ever see it again.

I had my first seizure at 12 and when I saw a neurologist out it he said that sometimes kids get seizures that they outgrow. I haven't had a seizure since I was 21 and I thought I had grown out of them. Apparently not.

Anyhow, I'm recovering, and so in Macey, although she's gone from puking to having aggressive diarrhea. It's an improvement over the puking though, and since I'm about 12 hours behind her with the onset of this I have that to look forward to. I've only had a Slurpee to eat today, because my philosophy is "If nothing goes in then nothing can come out.", if you know what I mean.

I'm just hoping that Craig and Lily can avoid this bug. Because I can clean up any kind of poop, but if you're puking, I'm running.

Good lord I'm a bad mom.

Monday, November 03, 2008

If it aint broke.. wait, it IS broke!

Today I'm going out to the barn after work. Not to ride.. no, no no. Today I will be filling in holes in the arena that have been created by groundhogs. Somehow one or more of these damn things has decided that they need to run around in the space between the arena wall and the kickboards. And then, for no apparent reason, they need to dig their way out. Never mind that there is a space by each gate at the end of the arena that they could easily crawl through. They must dig, and in more than one place. I think right now there are six holes on one side of the arena. Nobody else will fix then, so I will do it. I will also dump used cat litter behind the kickboards in an attempt to keep the groundhogs out of the area. It's supposed to work because the groundhogs will stay away from cat smell, but so far I don't think it's helping.

I also need to pull all the footing away from the kickboards, and then drag the arena. The ATV still is not fixed, and we don't have that new drag that I was told about, so again I'll be using my car and the sucky drag with four teeth. And as long as I'm bitching, the washrack drain is still clogged and the water hydrant by the washrack has been broken for a while and is still not fixed. And last week Kaswyn got a salt block holder put in his stall, but the genius who installed it didn't get the top screw into the wood. It looks like he just pounded on the screw because it's totally bent over and not in the wood at all, so the holder just turns upside down and the salt block falls out. Brilliant. Oh yeah, and to top it all off, yesterday the tack room reeked of cat pee. Someone pissed on top of one of the trunks. Not mine, thank goodness.

Can you tell I'm a little frustrated? I'm not asking for the barn to be a million dollar showplace. I just want it functional. I think the least that could be done is that things are fixed when they are broken. I will water and drag the arena, and fix the holes. The salt block holder I can fix too. But the ATV, the washrack drain, and the water hydrant I can't do on my own. All I can do is keep asking when these things will get done, and remind people to shoo cats out of the tack room and close the door so our stuff doesn't get pissed on.

I love Marge. I love the fact that Kaswyn gets outside all day every day, and he's very happy there. But sometimes I just get sick of nobody caring but me. To be honest, the place is just dirty and is getting run down. A few months ago when Kaswyn got shoes, my blacksmith and I were talking about the barn. This was during the whole "got to get the footing fixed" stage, and he made some comment to me about not being able to make a silk purse from a sow's ear.

I don't need a silk purse. A functional wallet would do just fine.

Saturday, November 01, 2008

No NaBloPoMo

Today officially starts NaBloPoMo, also known as National Blog Posting Month. It's where you post on your blog every day for one month. I did it for two years, but I'm not going to be able to get it done this year. I used to be able to bang out a post at work, but work has been too crazy, and they are predicting that it's going to be simply stupid busy here until the end of the year. Lots of people want to get pregnant before Christmas, I guess.

I'll see if I can hit the 50% mark and post every other day. It will be much better than I have been able to do lately, so I'd be happy with that kind of improvement. I have stuff to talk about, just no time at work and no motivation to write after work. Lately when I get home from work and the barn I just want to eat dinner, spend time with my family, and crawl into bed. When work is busy there is added stress on top of the already underlying pressure of my job, and when I'm done with my job for the day I just want to spend a few hours and not think. I don't even really want to do laundry, which I usually love to do. And Craig is grousing about doing more dishes than me lately. He's washing dishes while I write this, probably in an attempt to make me feel guilty. Passive aggressive punk. He's doing NaBloPoMo, so we're probably going to fight (ie do rock, paper, scissors, which is how we usually decide these things) to see which one of us will post Halloween pics of the kids first.

So check back here every other day. I'll see what I can do. No promises though!

Header Image from Bangbouh @ Flickr